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Guns or no guns? Are swords different than guns? When your little one starts shooting friends with sticks, fingers, or the little porcelain peace dove that you keep on the mantle, what do you do?
If you are the parent of a typical child, you've probably figured out that shutting it down isn't really possible. If you've tried, it probably keeps popping up, slightly different, but definitely the same conversation. |
Boys are generally more persistent than girls in this exploration, but every child must ask certain questions, in play or in conversation, in order to explore what it is to be human.
On one level, your child is simply playing. On another level, your child is asking some fundamentally human questions. "Is violence ever justified? If so, when? What would I do if someone threatened me with violence? Is killing ever justified? If so, when? Why do humans kill? Why are humans sometimes violent? What would I do if someone threatened violence to someone I love?"
Most parents, even the most ardent pacifists - though they may never have thought about it - when questioned, agree that they might kill to protect their child. Most parents are shocked when they realize that their children are thinking about this exact question.
Humans have a unique ability to choose beliefs and behaviours. When a person holds a particular belief, they behave in a particular way. Your child's play explores the beliefs and behaviours they see and intuit in their environment - the beliefs and behaviours that they have the power to choose or not choose in their reality.
Your child's play, in exploring the fundamentals of being human, is a vehicle that opens doors to profound conversations. When you shut down the play before understanding your child's question, and without engaging in the conversation, you miss the opportunity to support your child's exploration of what it means to be human.
I'm hoping that what you'll take away from this is to keep the door to conversation open.
How you keep the door open depends on your child's age, developmental stage, personality, gender, and current life circumstances.
The trick is to learn how to open the door to the conversations, how to make it a conversation, not a lecture, how to support your child in playing towards a peaceful personality, and how to EMpower your child.
I'll share more about this in my next few emails to you.
Empowerment is a key piece of being human. I am passionate about the need to empower our children to be peaceful, directed, understanding, aware human beings, and the most difficult conversations that you will have with your children are the ones that empower them to be healthy, happy beings, with positive relationships with the stuff that puts many of us in therapy: sex, violence, death, gender identity, and power differentials.
The more we, as adults, talk about this stuff, and connect deeply with what we believe is true, beautiful and right, the easier it will be for us to share meaningful insights with our children, when the door is open.
Come join the conversation!!
Playing with Power runs two Saturdays, November 2nd and 16th, at Killarney/Glengarry Community Hall, 28th Ave and 28th St. SW. |
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