In addition to the conversation about how to address these situations with the coaches and the league is the question about how to address it with the children involved.

How do you explain to your child (boy or girl) that some people think that girl-terms are insults? 

How do you explain to your boy that it's common practice in our culture to make fun of boys that are empathetic, kind or considerate of others?

First, I'd love to suggest that we all become Those Parents - you know, the ones that respectfully confront the coaches, call the league organization, end up in the media, and join or promote coach and parent training through organizations like Respect in Sport. 

Next, the tricky part - the conversation with the children. The good news is that this conversation becomes a whole lot easier if you have been That Parent. Once you've stood behind your values and demonstrated how to advocate for change, it's easier to have the conversation about what was wrong with the situation with the child. 

Chances are your child felt that something was wrong at some deep level of the soul, especially if you've been parenting without coercion, and with respect. 

You know when YOU are out of line - when your tone shifts, and you find yourself engaging in a power struggle, or punishing for a split second instead of setting a kind and clear boundary? And your child looks at you with that look of betrayal? 

Your child sees. 

Your child feels that something's wrong with what Coach Biff is doing, too, and though, at first, he or she might appear to buy in, when the wrongness is pointed out by some trusted adult, your child's powerful human heart will get it. 

So, the first part of the conversation might be something like, "It didn't feel right to me when I heard Coach Biff say XYZ. How did you feel about it?" Tapping in to your child's internal compass is the first step.

Then you have an even harder question to answer - why would someone even do (or say) such a thing?

My rule for all tricky conversations is as follows: 

Always offer as much truth as possible in the most loving way possible.      

Here are some key ways to do that, and how they might apply in this situation: 

Look for the person's positive intentions. ("I think Coach Biff is trying to help everyone run as fast as they can, by making fun of them. That's great that he wants to help inspire you to run faster, but maybe the way he's doing it isn't so great.")

Speak about the person as a child. ("I think when Coach Biff was a little boy, people teased him when he was learning to play soccer, and so he thinks that's the best way.") 

Find the fundamental confusion in the person's beliefs, and offer your child other beliefs. ("I think Coach Biff believes that teasing makes people try harder, and I bet some people do try harder when they're afraid of being embarrassed. BUT, I believe that the best way to inspire people to try hard is to show them that you believe in them and help them work together as a team.")

I'd love to invite you to join me to talk about some of the other hard conversations that you're going to have with your kids. How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Drugs & Rock'n'Roll will address all the tricky stuff - from death and violence to sex to gender identity and more. 

We're going to explore these topics and ideas until you start to figure out the words and phrases and concepts that feel right to you, so that you can feel great about these big picture conversations.

What I've noticed is that when you feel really confident about the hard conversations, the day-to-day stuff gets easier and easier. 

That's because you'll be addressing the stuff that your child is REALLY working through developmentally. 

That means trust is growing, and connection is growing, because your child is feeling more understood. 

Here are the details:

Your children are exploring these issues, and absorbing messages about them, everyday, in ways that you may not recognize.  

Get prepared and start addressing the big stuff, NOW, so that when your child needs the connection, information, and internal compass, it is already in place.

Get confident that you can support their discovery process in ways that result in healthy beliefs and values, and a complete and confident human being. 

Get clear about how to send the specific and supportive messages that your boy or girl needs.

Boys and girls process these big issues differently, and daily, throughout their lives, in a variety of ways.  Your response, input and guidance is THE key factor in their successful integration of all of these learnings

AND

When these key pieces are dealt with effectively, the smaller issues often seem to melt away. 

Our current culture is extremely tough on kids - your children need your understanding and guidance NOW more than at any time in history.  

If you are feeling disconnected from your child, or simply worried that you're not prepared to equip your child for what he or she will face in the future, you are not alone. 

Now, more than ever, your kids need YOU to "get" them.